Clay Vessels
I remember years ago struggling to navigate as an introvert working in an extrovert’s world. I often felt wearied at best, if not beaten down by expectations. I felt like I operated in a slower gear than the rest of corporate America, and never quite met expectations. I processed ideas slowly. I internalized tasks and strategies before coming to conclusions on how to proceed. I felt handicapped by the way I was wired, even wondering at times if there wasn’t something wrong with my brain.
I took this reality into my conversation with my spiritual director and we talked through it. She reminded me of the image of being a “clay vessel” as it says in Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. And she asked me what kind of a vessel I imaged my own life to be. She always gave me plenty of time and space to meditate on a question. Finally I said, “I think I live in the I-Dream-of-Jeannie bottle…” I may look put together on the outside, but the way in to my soul was long and narrow. Once inside the inner chamber, my life felt comfy. I liked living in the bottle, but had to admit that sometimes it is difficult to fully access the outside world, and certainly difficult to allow others into my space. Together we wondered and imagined if there might be a new vessel that God was forming for my life.
Eventually I found a new symbolic vessel, not exactly made of clay, but a vessel nonetheless—an oblong shaped bowl, the size of a loaf of bread, unadorned with smooth-worn walnut on the outside. And inside was a surprising inlaid mother of pearl—honoring the gift of the hidden inner life. This vessel is not perfect, but it is more open these days to all that life offers, more ready and able to share what I have and to receive what is given to me.
What vessel would you choose to represent your life these days? It doesn’t have to be clay. Let it be glass, or stone, wood, metal, plastic, textiles, or a combination of materials. Is it one you’re comfortable in, or one you feel like you’ve outgrown? What are the gifts of this vessel. What are the challenges of living life your vessel?
