Life Giving Words
I used to beat myself up about how slowly I processed thoughts, ideas, interactions with others. I often said, “There’s something wrong with me…I can’t keep up or respond appropriately unless I have time to process.” While no one ever told me this or made me feel less-than because of it, I had decided it was a problem.
Most humans struggle with negative self-talk. Yet, such internal conversations often keep us from living our full potential. We scare ourselves with such negativity until we end up living within the confines of our diminished idea of who we are. That negative and inhospitable self-talk may sound something like, “I’m just not the creative type,” or “I’m not good at figuring out problems,” or “why do I keep making the same mistakes?” And while these messages may have been received from others as we grow up, deciding to appropriate them as truth to form our grown-up lives is our own decision. Of course, such language may need deeper attention and healing from often traumatic or abusive events or environments.
What if we allowed our self-talk to be formed by the messages of God, rather than the human encounters that may have harmed us? It is the word of God that is the source of all creation. John’s beautiful imagery of the Word made flesh reminds us that the word of God is life giving.
In speaking of Jesus as the Word made flesh, it says, “What came into being in him was life.” (John 1:3-4). And what is given by God and comes into being within us is life-giving as well. This is key to discerning what is of God, and what comes from other voices within us. In other words, the messages that bring shame or heaviness of spirit or guilt are messages that try to wield authority over our identity. The inner voice of inadequacy, fault, not enough-ness, perform to earn favor, imperfection or perfectionism (which is fear of imperfection), these have nothing to do with the words God speaks into us. These shame-inducing words may become clues that wake us up to our desire for something beyond these old thought habits, to drive us directly into the Divine arms of love, but they are never the words God speaks directly into us.
The words given by God bear qualities of patience and kindness. It is truth bearing, enduring, hopeful, faithful, intimate. And God’s word forming in us is specific to each day and season – courage, wait, be still, listen. We often want to label those voices that say “do better…try harder” as righteous admonishment but calls from God to change or grow or be transformed are always invitational, a desire planted within, something that draws us and that ultimately, we experience as relief, not disappointment or failure or guilt. Do you hear the difference? Can you feel that difference?
I have come to understand that my ability to process thoughts more slowly is a gift, not a problem. It’s a gift I bring to the table as I interact with others. It’s my ability to think more deeply, to look beneath the surface and for me this takes time. This is part of how God created me and how I offer myself to the Divine work within my world.
For Reflection: Spend a day or a week paying attention to your self-talk. Record those thoughts in a journal. What feels and sounds self-diminishing or inhospitable? What life-giving words or messages would you ask of God to help heal or remove the messages that harm you? What would it be like to create a more hospitable inner dialogue with yourself? What words of grace and mercy might sooth your soul? The last verse of Psalm 23 says that “surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life., and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” What do these words mean to you? How might you make this part of your life of prayer?
