Finding True Self
The call to know ourselves and live from our “true self” is marked by a lifetime of learning to remove the masks that we would rather hide behind. When I was 20-something, I decided I was tired of being the good girl in the church pew. I wanted to see what it was like to “live freely” as so many of my friends seemed to be doing. I went out drinking and dancing and hanging out with people I really didn’t know. I made bad life choices that quickly woke me up to the reality that this was not me and was not the life I wanted to live. And rather than living “freely,” it, in fact, diminished my world and left me feeling lonely, empty, and used up. I dropped the mask and began again to rediscover who I was in new ways.
There’s an interesting phrase in scripture that speaks to me about living an authentic life. The Gospel of John reveals Jesus as the Word made flesh, and it says that “he came to that which was his own.” (John 1:11). That phrase always stops me and invites me to meditate on its meaning for Jesus and its meaning for my own life. What God gives us to claim as our own includes the realm in which we live, the location, family, culture, and communities that become the landscape of how we live out our days, how and where we become God’s word made flesh. But it is also more than our GPS location. I think it also means that we come to that which is true to who we are, how we are wired, and the God-endowed image of myself in the context of all creation.
Coming into “that which is our own,” or finding our true self, is easy to say, but how exactly does it happen? That question finds unique expression within each individual. Some may say this is too much self-focus. Yet, I often am reminded of the words of St. Augustine who prayed, “Lord, grant that I may know myself, that I may know thee.” And as we come to know God, we come to know ourselves. Here are some thoughts on how I have explored my true self along the way:
True self considers the messages and values received from birth on and takes time to consider if they are life-giving and truth-telling about my life as an adult.
True self examines life each day to reflect and ask questions: By what priority have I lived today? Where did I try too hard to prove my worth? How did I offer grace to myself in a difficult situation?
True self explores the shadow-side of life that has been diminished by others as bad, wrong, or inappropriate which leads to the creation of false identities
True self seeks the wisdom of other authentic, open souls who encourage me to live and love who I am, as I am.
True self isn’t afraid to admit a mistake or a weakness, or to recognize a strength or a gift.
True self sets aside the masks that feel put on for the sake of pride, reputation, self-promotion or self-protection.
True self recognized the sacredness of life itself, looking beyond the temporary, fleeting struggles and embracing with trust that “It is well with my soul.”
Finding and knowing true self is a never-ending journey and a beautiful landscape to explore. It takes time and intention to begin to discern what is true and what needs to be released and sent on its way. But in the end, we find deeper freedom to live life with grace as we come to know God and know self.
For Reflection:
How would you describe the journey to knowing your true self?
How do you recognize when you may be hiding behind self-made masks?
What would it mean for you to “come to that which is your own?”
