Listening as Peacemaking
Just one week prior to the murder of George Floyd on May 20th, I had posted a three-part series on Active Listening. I thought this may be a good time to consolidate those three parts into one post for easy access to the vital tools needed for actively listening during this season of unrest. Truly listening to others, to ourselves, and to God is a gift we desperately need in our world, and one that is clearly lacking in how we interact with one another. Our society is more focused on being heard, being right, and sadly silencing the other with whom we may disagree. Choosing to stop and listen deeply, intently, and consistently leads to peacemaking, both internally and externally.
The three elements of listening include:
Receive - This is our silent presence with one another, attentive, focused, without distraction, turned in and watching for the movement of the Spirit in what is stirring within a person. We listen without moving ahead to our own inner dialogue and to what we want to say next. We stay with or abide with the person speaking. We come as empty vessels with open hands to receive the spoken words as well as the unspoken words that lie beneath what is heard. We avoid trying to figure out anything. We simply hold all that is offered with a posture of welcoming grace.
Reflect - In reflecting we stay focused on the speaker’s story. If things come up in our own thoughts that trigger an emotion or make us want to solve a problem or persuade the speaker to think or feel another way, we simply hold those thoughts and bookmark them in our minds to process later on our own. In reflecting we mirror what someone is saying. It can take the form of simply repeating a phrase or word they have used and asking if there is more they want to say about that. We may acknowledge a hurt they may have brushed aside as no big deal and hold it for them to look again. However we reflect, we do it gently, with respect, and without an agenda to coerce, dissuade, or convince anyone of a particular conclusion.
Respond - Responding is much different than reacting to what we have heard. Deep listening is not the social exchange or chitchat we engage in at a church potluck or a workplace happy hour. Rather this is the response of holding space for the individual to breathe, the response of prayerfully listening with one ear to the speaker and the other leaning in to the Divine. We may respond by encouraging the person, pointing out strengths and gifts that we have observed. We may invite them to consider if there is an invitation from God, if there is support or graces they seek during this season of life. And as we respond, always we keep our observations, questions, and wonderings squarely focused on the individual and their journey.
Oh what peace we might discover if we made deep listening a daily spiritual practice, and reflected at the end of a day to discern if we stopped to hear our own thoughts, stopped to hear the heart of another, and stopped to hear the Divine invitation to be still, be present, and be always listening.
